23.9.08

Halloween Screams Early for the Empire Revue

What do you do when your show is THREE WEEKS before the spookiest night of the year? You celebrate OKTOBER FEST! That's right, dust off the old lederhosen-- we're going to Bavaria! Hold on to your knickers, guard your Hosentürl and get ready for the OKTOBER 5th Show! We know you'll want to get ready for a fine evening of beer consumption by learning a few useful phrases:


* Ich will dich. - I want you.
* Zieh das aus! - Take this off!
* Bitte hör auf! - Please stop!
* Sachte! - Easy tiger!
* Das war seltsam. - That was weird.




(phrases and image courtesy of Jon De Keyser)

That ought to get you through the night. Oooohh, that's a rather hot look, actually.

Anyway. . .

Expect the usual fantastic guest acts, another puppet show, a visit from our favorite restaurateur, a few scantily-clad and brilliant ladies and one mummy. . . we mean, Bill Wood. Halloween Screams Early for the Empire Revue! See you there!

The Sparkling Beatniks

12.9.08

As the Election Approaches. . .

TODAY IN PRESIDENTIAL HISTORY is the Empire Revue's puppet segment. Every variety show should have puppets. . .

Every month, we use the date of our show to highlight events that occurred on that very day, somewhere along the timeline, in the history of the United States, and the world. We reach into the anus, I mean the annals of US Presidential history and piece together a non-linear look at our collective past. Here's an example of our puppet mash-up:


As the election approaches, we will continue to bring you ridiculous puppetry to with the hope of lessening the burden of obsessing over the current race for the White House.

What happened on OCTOBER 5th in Presidential History?
Come find out at the next Empire Revue!


--Marya
Sparkling Beatnik

11.9.08

We have proof!

Even dead Colonials like Obama. Check out this rare footage:

10.9.08

News from abroad!

And now, a new blog segment:

NEWS FROM ABROAD!
This just in from Eric, our very own Sparkling Beatnik, now creating international incidences in Japan!


Well, I am here in Japan! Flights themselves were fine- they did lose about half of my luggage, but its okay because that’s the half I don’t need for a week or so anyways. Let’s see… on to my training adventures so far! On the way to the training center, I stopped to buy something at a refreshment kiosk. My very first purchase with Japanese yen, and I was very excited to make it! I picked out the soft drink with no English writing that I could see, in the spirit of adventure. As I walked back to the group, I began to feel a sinking feeling. My trainer was laughing at me. The can, upon closer inspection, had some English on it. Specifically a little sticker which read “Alc. 5%”. Yes, my very first purchase in Japan was a can of beer in a train station. *sigh*



After that, things improved. Got to my dorm room, which is very much ideal. I don’t have to share it, I have a kitchenette, and my room is traditional Japanese style, with a futon on straw mats. Last night I went with my training group to visit the Korakuen garden (allegedly 3rd nicest in Japan) and Okayama castle. The ticket that gets you into both places is only about 5 bucks! What a steal! Of course, I forgot my camera, so I decided to go again this morning. It was really nice- just wandered through the Garden, accidentally got caught up in a tour group (the guide demanded that I throw water on some rocks in the river. Who am I to argue?), and took pictures to my heart’s content.






I have had some interesting interactions with Japanese people, almost all of which revolved around a kind stranger trying to help the silly, confused gaijin - my goal is to complete a transaction at a store without the cashier needing to use any English to help me. There is so much to get used to, and so much to tell! Japanese people do not jaywalk, so my impatient American blood is always burning to dash across the empty streets. Bikes abound, but no fancy, tricked-out mountain bikes. Everyone has an old ten-speed with a basket on the front and various attachments (I’ve seen backseats, headlights, umbrellas, etc.). I’m developing a vending machine addiction, largely because the 100-yen coin (roughly worth a dollar) looks and feels so much like a nickel. I’m rationing the number of times I allow myself to use them every day. Cicadas are dying all around- they just drop out of the trees and die on the sidewalks. I’m tall here, but not as tall as I was expecting to be.




I suppose I was going into this with the notion that I would be some sort of mythical giant-figure. An ogre towering above the multitudes as they run, screaming, for the hills. This is not the case. There are plenty of tall Japanese people; it’s just that, on average, they are fewer and farther between than in America. I’m stealing internet from some unguarded server out there (mwahaha) but the connection is very weak, so we’ll see if this email works. So, to sum up, I’m having a lot of fun so far, and will have plenty of stories to come! I wish you all well!

9.9.08

Hello in there, from out here!

Hello!

You already know this, because you were there, but we had a GREAT SHOW on Sunday! It was like a Springsteen concert: long, multiple encores, lots of sweating, and some sentimental favorites. Actually, The Sentimental Favorites were there. Bettie Sioux Tailor wowed us again with her brand of burlesque, Denise Moffatt brought her old school chops to the table as well. Stevie Lightin' did his thang, we swooned to the stylings of Bertrand Laurence, Jan Schmidt and Phil Goldman pulled out all the stops. Omar Reyes and Meg Powers joined the Sparkling Beatniks as our special guests-- it was a GREAT night. When's the next Empire Revue?? Glad you asked! Come 'round again on OCTOBER 5th 8pm, just 8 bucks! We can't wait to see, SOME of you. . .

Yes, Bill Wood-- we're not looking forward to seeing him. Here's why:

I caught you in the act!!


You thought you could get away with teaching innocent children to draw pictures of the devil himself didn't you?



But I know what you are up to. Those "audience" members in your show last night saw the photos I showed them and now they know. Your finished. You'll never work in this town again. The schools and libraries have been contacted and you are toast! My work is done. Although I will never rest easy as long as you have those disgusting displays of pagan worship you try to pass off as entertainment at the ASS20. Your show last night was no different. Women taking off their clothes, foreigners singing silly songs, puppet shows that no one understands especially your drunken audience, Egyptian mummies screaming, mermaids and lesbonians! Shame on you. After my cataract surgery heals completely I will be back in October to make your spread of the fecal stop for good!

Singed,
Bill Wood, Your neighbor





Oh Bill . . see ya soon, ya bastard.